You're in the checkout line at the supermarket. You have a cart full of groceries and a tired toddler. She wants a cookie - you tell her she has to wait - and the hysterics begin. You can either finish checking out with your child kicking and screaming, leave the cart behind and head for the car or give in and let her have a cookie. So what's a parent to do?

Why children have tantrums
A child's brain is still developing between the age of 1 and 2. Children at this age aren't always able to express themselves. If they are tired, hungry, frustrated or upset, tantrums are often the only way they know to express their emotions.

Preventing tantrums
You can't prevent tantrums, but you can help cut down on their length and frequency by:

• Making sure your child is well rested, especially before heading out.
• Sticking to a daily routine. Stay on schedule for naps, meals, snacks, baths and bedtime.
• Avoiding long outings or staying out past your child's bedtime.
• Encouraging him to use words to express his feelings (if he is old enough to talk).
• Offering her choices. She may not be able to get out of going to bed on time, but she can choose which book she'd like you to read.
• Giving him some time to switch gears. If he's busy playing with a toy, tell him that it will be bath time in five minutes.
• Tell - don't ask. Tell her it's time for her nap. Asking her if she wants to take one tells her that she has a choice.
• Choose your battles. Let the little things go. Don't say "no" unless there's a good reason. Then stick to your guns - even if it means leaving a cart full of groceries in the checkout line and heading home.

How to deal with a tantrum
These tips can help get you and your child through a tantrum:

• Distract your child by making him laugh or showing him a new toy.
• Keep your cool. If you throw a tantrum along with your child, it will make the situation twice as stressful for both of you.
• Let her cry it out. If you aren't in public and your child isn't harming herself, someone else or your property, don't react. This will teach her that tantrums won't get her anywhere.
• Don't give in. Changing your mind after saying "no" teaches your child that throwing a tantrum will get him what he wants.

If your child's behavior gets out of control, sit her down or remove her from the area for a time out so she can wind down. It's not the time for reasoning. Wait until the tantrum has ended.

What NOT to do during a tantrum
Some parents are tempted to go to one extreme or another to end temper tantrums. Some reward their kids for calming down, while others punish them for losing control.

Remember that rewarding your child strengthens his belief that tantrums are worthwhile. Punishing him, on the other hand, is a mistake. Children feel helpless when they lose control. They need a calm, collected parent to show them how to handle their feelings constructively.

When should you be concerned?
Most children outgrow temper outbursts by the age of 3 or 4. If your child still has violent tantrums after age 4, or if she holds her breath, faints or hurts herself or others during an outburst, talk to her pediatrician. These could be signs of emotional problems.

Related Articles Not Meeting the Milestones? How to Get Help for Your Child Saying Bye-Bye to Bottle, Binky and Thumb Teaching Your Kids That 'No' Means 'No'

External Sources Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh. Taming children's temper tantrums. . Accessed October 19, 2009 National Network for Child Care. Taming temper tantrums. . Accessed October 19, 2009 American Academy of Pediatrics. Temper tantrums. . Accessed October 19, 2009

This article was reviewed and updated 08-01-2009.